I’m sitting in the restaurant wagon of a train. I look through the window and cannot recognize the place the train is going. It could be the mountains of the Sierra Madre, but all signs in the train are in Cyrillic and its unusually cold for what ir seems a summer day. I’m wearing a slim fit black suit and I’m sipping a surprisingly good gin tonic. My head feels like its gonna explode and my heart is pumping fast as if I was high in cocaine or something else. The trains is empty and the perception of time doesn’t exist. Where is this train going? Why it feels so familiar? I don’t have a clue.
You are sitting in front of me,wearing an elegant blue dress with your hair loose and you keep staring at me with a sad smile, but you don’t say a word. I can see a sadness through your eyes and I try to hold your hand, but you don’t let me and instead you laugh and sip a glass of red wine, which was not there a minute ago. The train goes faster and the coldness turns into a unbearable warm, yet you don’t seem to bother. The landscape turns into an endless desert, like the one in Sonora and in the wagon speakers “I wanna be your dog” by Iggy Pop starts to play and you start laughing and hold my hand tight. I am not sure if I am there or if I’m not, because I don’t feel your hand and I wanna kiss you, but you I cannot move and you keep laughing and suddenly the wagon is full of confetti everywhere and the train goes faster and through the windows the desert is covered on fire.
– It is the last time, but not like the other last times, this is truly the last time. – you say in a soft and sad tone.
– But I don’t know if that is what suppose to happen or if I can promise you that it is – I said while tears fill my eyes, but I cannot cry so I keep smiling.
– I guess there isn’t much we can say or do about it, it is just how it is and you should just go wherever this takes you. – You reply to me and stand up and you move towards me and kiss me, like I kissed you the first time. The train starts to get on fire and the confetti turns into ashes all around us.
– There are no goodbyes, just jumps into different futures that may or may not entangle again. – you say as you slowly walk into the entrance to the other wagon, which is already covered on fire, but you don’t burn with it and as you walk aways into the flames you start to fade away.
I’m alone and the train accelerates into a upcoming tunnel as I and everything around me covers on fire, but the fire is cold and my heart is full of pain, but I cannot move because of the speed. The tunnel covers the light from the windows and I sit in plane darkness and you are gone and I know that I cannot follow you. I start crying, because I remember I have been sitting in this train before and I reached the destination alone. The train exits the tunnel and stops and the flames are gone and I’m in a unnamed Eastern European city alone, waiting for the train to come again.
I wake up and stare into my white roof. I look around and the one next to me is not you and I wonder if you wake up next to another, will you sometimes think about me or maybe not? I make coffee and go into my life as usual, thinking about that train, your blue dress, and the things that are not mean to happen.
As the day goes by, it all fades away just to come back in another random night in which I will be riding that train again, but you may or may not be there.