Wolf's Out

Category: Italy 2011

Halloween with poor designed costumes

Stockholm, October 2016

I used to be really exited about Halloween back home for the simple fact that people actually were exited about it. Everybody took their fair amount of time and money to come up with a cool costume or at least end up hooking for a sexy version of any profession.  I met with a friend and decided to hit a club which for their Facebook page appeared to take it more seriously.  We got some paint and ended up pulling off semi decent face painted mask. The club was pretty classy with good music, fair sized dance-floor and a bunch of good looking girls, but the amount of people actually wearing a costume was disappointing. Things weren’t the same as home, which deeply reminded how things wouldn’t be the same, and all my excitement was poured with the overpriced gin and tonics I drank.

The night went on and my drunken self forced himself to have fun and dance, as nostalgic fire burned me from inside out, which for being just three months away was ridiculous. Was I that of a cry baby? Did I actually moved all the way just to complain for the lack of sexy policewomen and sexy-nurses on a Halloween night? I put myself together and started walking to the bar to kill my uneasiness with a tequila shot. Just about when I was about to give up and go home, a dear friend of mine managed to get invited to a table full of middle-aged men drinking expensive champagne and smuggled me into the V.I.P. area, where we drank Don Perignon for free and I ended up meeting a girl with the same paint-mask as me with whom I ended up in bed later that night.

As I woke up and looked myself at the mirror to a semi-blurred skull paint and red hangover eyes, I realized how unsure of my future I really was and maybe that was the main reason I deeply wished for a nice Halloween, to feel that life didn’t changed as much as I believed.. but it did and the only way dealing with it was accepting it and move on for the things to come. I walked down the street in a shameful display of my half destroyed Halloween costume with my Ray-Ban Club-master glasses on, yet easy with my inner conclusion. A kid cried when he saw me at the metro as I left the station close to my house.


Remnants of our world.

I can’t can explain if we can say this is the end of our time, as we all hope beyond the seas there are still somewhere that stands as everything used to stand. It is hard to say that civilization totally disappeared , because I want to consider that whatever thing we manage to sustain still holds similarities about our past.  We struggle to survive, nevertheless we keep track of time and me with my spare few time decided to record all the events we are going through. Without time there is no, without history, there is no civilization.

When I was still young, before all that happened, the information overwhelmed us. We had everything and with our phones and computers we are able to record everything; plus we could choose what to know and what not to. Do you want to know about science? Click here! Do you want to know about what the Kardashians did last weekend? Click here! Do you want to know about the war in the Middle East? Click here! Do you want to know more about that hot girl in your classroom? Click here!

I regret all the the time I wasted watching videos of people doing stupid things instead of learning how to threat a wound or repair a radio. Everything was there in the infinite piles of information spread around the servers. We were spoiled and choose to spend our free time watching photos of food, reading about which zodiac signs were compatible with ours. If I just had known, maybe I wouldn’t have enlisted. If I had known maybe I could help more when I was back. If I had know maybe we will be more.

It was too late, I should worry about today. Anyway, I will keep a track of all, as maybe nobody does anymore. It could be a future and they will like to know what happened to learn from our mistakes, at we tried to learn from the ones of our ancestors. I don’t think we could avoid it all. The sickness was inevitable, but the war could have been.

We wondered in the outskirts of a city, scavenging anything useful we could have.  It remind me of my patrolling when I was deployed, but I was more scared back then; I had something to loose. I am not sure about it now. We all knew inside the city there were more chances of finding more of what we needed, but we weren’t that desperate. The risks of infection were high and we hadn’t protection. We travelled light and kept our distance and that is why we were alive.

The more time passed, the more I read and the more I read, the more books I hunted for. My companions found that silly at the beginning, as our bags should supposed to be full of useful things, but as we wondered through the wasteland all of us agreed with time that information was our biggest weapon to survive. We read about all we could find, to learn, to improve, but I would say that also for keeping us sane. Everything around us changed and those who we knew died. There was no instagram to share the landscaped we encountered our facebook to stalk those we saw. The things we did and the people we know were lost together with those servers and with them the splendor of our world.

Could we overcome what was in front of us? Could we stop wondering? I had no answers. What I do know, we grew close to those around us. Even in the pain and suffering we encountered, we saw each other through our own selves and not pretentious profiles or social mask based on what was wrong our right. There were no strains right now and we all showed our true colors, yet it doesn’t imply they were all good. Those evil and corrupt still wondered as we do.

The sickness that appeared wasn’t something new. Many perished in the past due to different kinds of them . The black death chose without discrimination its victims as this virus do. The CEO’s and homeless danced together with death , the same way the Nobles and the peasants did centuries before. The difference, in my opinion, is they knew less and their fear spread , mouth to moth, slower than those viral videos on the internet I saw when it began. The exponential panic and chaos generated from it destroyed everything, including people’s minds. I don’t necessarily think the virus killed everybody, their own fear of death doomed many even before any signs of infection in their bodies. The war didn’t ended because somebody won, it ended because the virus overthrew those in power. Death had always been the true ruler, but grew tired of others making its job as it did many times before. It waited silent and let our own humanity spin the wheel of life, until it got bored and decided to do it on its own.

I don’t fear it as I did when I dig the graves of those infected. It spared me, to see all of it, to reach the point when all the screams became silent, to see when the lights went off. In return for its favor I am

recording  this, so those in the future can understand what it did, so they learn that they aren’t bigger than it and that any power in this world can help you cheat it and they can live plentiful lives and enjoying their time together before it decides to take it away. As I look from the outskirts of the city into its remnants, I don’t see its face. The trees grew higher, the birds sang and even though I was well aware the infection still wondered to streets, the silence was not there anymore. The birds sang, the winds made the plants dance and the stars shinned freely during the night without any light to

stop them . I don’t think death cared about us, as we and the perception of our time were insignificant to it, as life for it was something which will flourish with it along the way existence.

As we left that moment in our car through the empty highway to our shelter. I knew deep in my heart that this wasn’t an end but a new chance to a new beginning. Together, without any of those things that distanced us from each other as they succumbed together with those we left behind.

Story: Something in this night. Part 1

It was dark as I looked from my window. The people kept moving and the cars were noisy. I scrolled through my social media: dinners, afterworks, friends, family, cats, political statements, and publicity. My phone kept ringing, my group chats flooded with notifications. I sat in front of my computer, frozen, silent, wondering about the night to come,   wondering about what is gonna happen. I grew anxious, as any other weekend night.

It has been been two weeks since I had sex, its  been thirteen weeks since I left home, its been 730 days since the last time I felt in love. It was 3 hours before midnight, my lips were dry, and my head feel like it was about to explode. I left, in a haste. I walked outside, it was cold. What I am going to do?  What I am expecting? I asked myself. I walked down Götgatan, crossing the junkies getting drunk.  I passed two hipster girls who looked at me and smile. My cheeks were freezing, my mind was lost, and my anxiety started to settle down as I walked down to the subway station.

What is going to be? Is it going to be another night? Is it going to be nothing? Like every other night, like every fucking time? I rushed into the trains as the doors were about to close. I saw myself at the reflection in the window as the train went into the darkness of the tunnel. What is this night unless I do something?

I turned around, my phone rang again: My friends wanted to meet and I had to pretend that I am having a great time; like any other fucking night. I fixed my hair in the windows reflection just before the train stopped. Or maybe something will happen?  Is it gonna be different to any other place or any other time? I resisted my thoughts and walked outside, fast. It started snowing as I walked through the street, my lips were dry.

I arrived to the place. I met my friends. The music was loud and I grew thirsty. I trembled, a cold sensation ran through my back, and my hands felt warm.

As I walked through the crowd, my senses felt sharper. Could maybe something happen or is it going to be just boring? I walked outside and lighted a cigarette.

The dark cloudy sky cleared out as I stood in the smoking area.

Is it full moon tonight? – A brunette with blue eyes asked me while approaching me.

It is gonna be something, I guess – I answered as I smiled and the moon shined through my contact lenses.

What do you mean? – asked the brunette confused as I stood facing here.

That it is not going to be like any other night – I answered. – Do you want to have a drink? It is on me – I said, as I started to walk inside.

Mmm.. sure, why not? – She told me as she walked next to me back inside.

In other news:  A middle-aged woman was found dead near the bridge in the middle of djurgarden. The police stated the probable cause of death may be of blood loss due to injuries suffered by an attack of a wild animal, most likely a wolf. The process of identifying the victim is underway as the injuries made harder for recognition, a forensic dental examination may be needed; stated the police department in their twitter account . Animal Control authorities have been notified and the visitors of the park have been warned of wild animals during the nigh inside the park premises.

Spooky? Hope you enjoy it, its been a while I don’t try creating stories. Back in the track.

Time goes on

Time flies. Memories and People you met in the way along with it.

I decided to talk a little bit about my trips and thoughts I had along the way after moving back to my home country  last Month. I see my life with a different point of view and wanted to share my experiences form the past,present, and future.

The exposition of Mondrian in Neues Staatgallerie, Stuttgart, Germany, March 2013